Poor Mary

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?

Mary, can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said: "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal." The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction.

Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer. Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?" "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal:

"Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And thirdly, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."

Unfortunate Names- Volume 1

Earlier this year I bought a book called 'The Book of lists.' It turned out to be one of my best buys. I love it. Anyone who has not purchased this book or indeed read it then please do. It has inspired me in so many ways. The main way has been accepting randomness. Its a beautiful thing. I now embrace it. The book has a section called 'A list of unfortunate product names.' It's brilliant. It made me think, why stop at products?

I think this blokes Dad was trying to get someone's attention....

A match made in Butlins...

I am saving up for a spot at this place already!...

I do have more but I fear they are too rude to publish on my blog! They are funny though, so if you would like to see them and your not easily offended I will compose a email for your pleasure.

The 'Rope 'em in dance!'

I thought I would teach you a dance...This dance was taught to me by my good friend Corinne. She is magnificent and she learned this dance when she was kidnapped by a black gang in the big apple. Its for hardened gangsta's only...So most of my friends need not apply for the right to use this dance in public because if you do you will be shot dead...

STAGE 1- Make your lassooo...


1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8...
Puff your body out and Imagine you have a massive pile of rope on the floor, extend the rope in a forward motion as if you are feeding it to a wild crocodile.



STAGE 2- Fly 'em high...


1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8....
Swing the rope around your head. (Imagine your a cowboy/girl) It also helps if you incorporate a Beyonce style butt wiggle this should help distract the bate...



Stage 3- Going fishing... (This bit took a lot of practice to perfect)
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8.....
On the count of one, throw the lasso type thing you have created in the previous steps into to crowd, for effect look at the floor...THEN WAIT, PAUSE, DO NOT MOVE! This move is most effective in a pair or even a large group if the timing it spot on. Do not attempt with amateurs!
You may say a prayer at this stage as this is likely to be the longest 8 seconds of your life....


Stage 4- Hey there, how you doing?...
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8....Rope 'em in! Hopefully you will have caught whatever or whoever your heart desires. If all is well you can do a Irish Jig together. If all is not well, prepare yourself for a slap!

I tried it on Jesus, we did a jig, all is well.

Five reasons...

Here goes...I have decided I have to make the first post immense to stand a chance of pulling in a crowd. I will try and give you five solid reasons for committing to reading my blog on a regular basis...

REASON 1- I believe pictures speak louder than words! I am dyslexic and I am not a natural at this sort of thing so my blog will never be long winded. And it will probably include lots of pictures of things I like! For example...



REASON 2- I believe I know some quality people. I want to share these people with the rest of human kind! If I know you at all you may well feature in my blog! For example....

REASON 3- I have a lot of very interesting things to say on a wide variety of different subjects. I will not always talk about myself. I promise.

REASON 4- It's fun to read something different. FACT!

REASON 5- We have nothing to lose. I the blogger and you the reader can not fail if we expect nothing. Helps not to be disappointed.